What Do We Mean By "Feel Your Feelings"!?

Have you been on social media recently? One of the hot topics these days is "feeling your feelings". Well what does that even mean? Of course I'm feeling them, I'm telling you I'm having them, right?? Well yes, of course. But sometimes we avoid them or distract ourselves. 

Distraction and Avoidance

Maybe we have been scrolling while watching TV for hours after work, or we can't have any night of the week without plans, or you can't EVER be home alone with no podcast or music playing. Of course, we all do these things once in a while or even every day when we're really stressed. The important thing is to pause long enough to understand WHY we are doing this. Am I numbing myself out from the tough conversation I had at work instead of deciding how I want to address it? Am I avoiding doing the life admin tasks that have piled up instead of making a list and a schedule to make it more manageable? Am I dreading a conversation with a family member instead of using the boundary setting skills I've been working on in therapy?

None of these things are wrong or bad - we ALL do them! (Yes, even therapists!) However, if we pause long enough to ask ourselves why - we then open ourselves to the feeling and potentially addressing underlying cause.

Okay so how do I do this FEELING thing

Feelings can initially be icky - but they don't last forever. Try this: Set a timer for 15 minutes. Try to name the feelings (sad, disappointed, guilty, angry, frustrated, scared, lonely) and then notice how your body is responding (tight chest, tense shoulders, stomach ache, head ache, brain fog). Make a plan for yourself. I am going to address this, and then … have a nice hot shower, play with my dog, listen to that playlist, go for a walk, call a friend, go out with my significant other. When that timer goes off, check-in with yourself again. You will likely find yourself feeling much more in control! Now you can turn back on that reality TV show feeling resolved and settled.

Consider...

Something to be aware of - doing this TOO much can backfire. You know the phrase misery loves company? That applies to you and yourself as well. It is important we help shift ourselves from that mental space by making that next plan. Additionally, if you are dealing with significant depression or other heavy emotional states, or trauma, please discuss this concept with your therapist or contact us to get started. Physical movement, change of environment, and connecting to others are three important ways to tell our nervous system we are safe. Curious about more ways to do this? Ask your therapist about how our nervous system responds to stress!